how did I get myself into so much trouble? Sometimes I think I just get myself into trouble knowingly. In fact, I still see all these troubles coming and headstrong I proceed.
Am I naive? Am I just waiting for a "deus ex machina" kind of devine intervention?
Whatever it is, I feel divided and consumed by the doubts that feel me. If something would just happen to get me out of this. If just the decision wasn't mine.
I can't believe my own thoughts, when I hope, when I wish, would it happen to be free. Isn't freedom something we have to gain and not be bestowed?
...
and I tell myself, "life is is short, live it full". But the doubts, the doubts are like tarnish on the metal I can't get rid of. The sparkle of life is dim in this tarnish and the glitter of hope is sometimes doomed.
...
I wish it was out of my hands.