It's strange to realize that you miss someone you have seen only a handful of times in your life.

And it's strange to realize that friends that you thought would be always so close in ur heart, have just left and are not there any more.

I guess life is always strange. I realize that. But the realization doesn't make it any less painful.

it's not normal to have suicidal thoughts, or is it?

I was sincerely asking u to leave me alone.
Not that I am alone, au contraire, mon cheri, I am more than "together". It's just that I would immensely appreciate if U stick to ur life and don't intrude into mine ever again. You don't (and won't) have any place in it anyway.
Thank you :)

A mosquito flies by. I catch it, hold it in my fist for a few moments and enjoy the thrill that comes with possession. Then I let it go. It flies away and comes back again. This time I kill it in one swift move.
Sorry mosquito, I just happen to be a bitch.

Weird

It feels weird to be asked to step out of someone's life.
I had always a thought time asking others to step out of mine, but I find it much harder to have to be on the other side.
Specially when I am already quite out of the life.
It feels weird to be told "too busy", "problems to solve", "straightening my life". And feels that instead of being a friend trying to help, you should give a "time out" to people to deal with "messy lives".
I always want my friends to be close by if I have a problem. I would like to exchange the favor and this time I'm pushed away. Admittedly it hurts more than a bit and feels like I am the problem. It hurts cause I think I'm losing a friend and not much I can do, respecting their choice and yet, and yet. . .

Ode to IF

Such a small word,
seems so harmless,
yet so powerful.
What If, what if.
What if it happens.
What if it does not.
. . .
If I am good,
if it goes well,
if we go far,
if we are strong,
what if, what if.
. . .
Does it matter
if that IF
stays one?
What if the world turns upside down?
What if it's just another day?
What if the world doesn't care?
What if the wheel of time turns?
Living my life,
the now and here,
although the past can be full of IFs,
it's the future that unfolds,
full of bright and beautiful IFs.

i don't even feel like writing!!!!!!

so i write and then delete the whole ting. wonderful.
really.
did it again. 3 more lines just disappeared.
is anyone out there, cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe. . .the only thing that runs in my head.