This urge...
Is it going to be like this now, for a long time, or am I going to get rid of this urge of being alone? The visceral need to isolate myself and not see anything, do anything or talk to anyone.
I want an empty room to lie down in, with the sun caressing my face, my closed eyes feeling warm, my mind wandering in the endless see of thoughts without worries.
Warm and safe.
Seems so long ago I felt like that and it was not. My mind is playing tricks on me again? Or has time stretched somehow? This blue sky, the yellow sunshine, the almost green grass, the gentle breeze don't tell me things no more. The blue is just one shade too gray, the yellow is not quite golden, the grass is not really green and the breeze . . . isn't it supposed to be warm?
Where is my wonder, where is my excitement, my passion? Where did I lose them along the way? How do I wander between my silly me and the adult me?
I already know I won't put this post on my own blog, but had to write it. Somewhere. Somehow. I need to remind myself how did I feel when the urge passes.